Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
