Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Someone shit on the floor
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
