How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
