whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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