Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
