he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
