So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
