it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All the doctor said was why
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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