You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
