she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
