But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
