Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize