Pregnant stripper...not hot.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
