i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize