Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dick very happy bro
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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