On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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