hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
