margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
