We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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