no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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