he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
