I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
