So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
