I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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