I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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