The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
