porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize