you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize