i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
