I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
