Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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