I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
