I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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