I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
