this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
