I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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