well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
