I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can I color on your dick again?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
