whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My dick has a subreddit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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