I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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