similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
