drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
