Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize