i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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