So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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