I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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