U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize