it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
