My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
