No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
