This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
barbara walters just said penis...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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