Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
