1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sobbing to NWA
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
