i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
