It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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