You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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