I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
