we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
