JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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