I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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