i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize