just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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