My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
