She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
