I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
