3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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