That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
two words: eviction party
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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