You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
