He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
