I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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