I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
