i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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