wanna go halves on a baby?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
