I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
