I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
