May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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