can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
