i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
