I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
