I skipped work to stalk him.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
