is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have aggressive nipples.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
