I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
