She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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