My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
