wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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