Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
