WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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