It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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