Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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