But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need water and some morals
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
