Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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