I don't think brook has ever known best
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
