get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did i walk over a car last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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