Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
