Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
