if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
