broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize