this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
