So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
