Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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