he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
